Day 35 – Grilled Cheese

Yesterday I had the luxury of time and desperately needed a break from sitting and working. So, I roasted three vegetables one at a time to give them all the specific temperature and pan space they need to thrive. Veggies need a lot of space ya’ll.

I  hauled out a giant Costco sized bag of quinoa to make a “salad” of it all. Seasoning and cooking it in broth totally hid the taste of cardboard undertones and it was quite tasty.  (FYI This is not a food blog so if you’re looking for a recipe you’re in the wrong place).

I had a big bowl of it for lunch today topped off with a dash of Frank’s Hot Sauce, the best around.

Not even five minutes later I was still hungry and craved a grilled cheese. I remembered I had leftover pizza sauce in the fridge that would make a great dip.

So I paused Ozark and got to work. Sourdough bread, buttered. Cheddar cheese, sliced and melted. Perfect mix of crust and chew. Cracked pepper on top (Gah, didn’t take a picture, it was that good).

I savored every bite, minus the ones I gave to my husband because I didn’t want to come off as a complete monster for not sharing.

I fed my craving. And that’s okay.

Eating savory makes me want sweet right after. And that’s okay.

I had been anxious and and emotionally ate. And that’s okay.

Sometimes I want a gigantic veggie platter over chips. And that’s okay.

My food habits have intensified and varied during quarantine. While I try to stick to meal plan ideas to keep some semblance of structure, I think of food way more often and how and what I eat tends to be more sporadic. Some days more, some days less.

Here’s the thing I’m realizing and have been reflecting on months before this pandemic even started.

How I’m eating is perfectly normal.

Diet culture and society would have you and me believe otherwise. That how and what and when we eat needs to be constantly monitored and fixed.

I’m not buying it, at least for today. I say today because diet culture is insidious and I’m not going to pretend that I wasn’t taught all my life to criticize my habits or body, to never be satisfied.

But I’m trying to unlearn, to undo, to unravel.

To learn and trust what my body wants.

To recognize thin privilege and fatphobia and what roles it plays in all of this.

I’m going to be extra honest. I started off this post with a random idea to talk about my grilled cheese sandwich and to not get too deep. It seemed  easier to share what I ate then how “off” I felt today or other heavier topics.

But, it wandered in this direction of discussing what’s “normal” because these days I’m questioning everything. This topic around food/diet culture deserves so much more, but it’s what I can give right now.

And you guessed it, that’s ok!

If you’re reading– would love to know if your relationship with food has changed during quarantine and how <3.

 

 

 

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